how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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