and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
