You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
