you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
