god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
