So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
