He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize