I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize