I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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