The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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