I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
