it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
