Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
