We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
