That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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