hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
