how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize