just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
