i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
