Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize