I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
