Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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