my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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