hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize