You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
