if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
