Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
