this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
