So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
