Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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