He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
