Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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