Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
