Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
