its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
did i walk over a car last night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
