So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
