Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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