i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
