Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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