exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize