I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
