Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize