you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
