I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
