Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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