I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
