Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
