This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
