its not stalking. its research.
please come you make the beer taste better
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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