yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have tasted many bathrooms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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