cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize