She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
