K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
