...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
