in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
