why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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