He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
