Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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