Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize