Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
