so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
