I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize