im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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