Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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