put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just pynch a tree in the face
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
