so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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