Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
