This girl is more easily done than said...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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