Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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